today is the birthday of the twins. i love them more than any words could ever say. they are such joy. landon never talks to us or lets us love on him. he just gives us the cold shoulder all the time. he loves his brother tho. he tolerates the other 2. when he is sweet, he is the most cuddly thing in the world. but only on his terms does he allow u to speak to him. carson on the other hand, never passes a moment to give kisses, etc....he is soooo precious to me. in some ways he is my favorite cause he is the lil' squirmy one of the bunch. like the runt u know. but, then again, i could go thru and tell u why the other 3 are my favorite too. ha

guess that we are just plain happy. God knew what He was doing when he gave us the babies. the scariest day of my life. i wasn't even acclimated to the idea that i had to have 2babies, much less, ready for their delivery. but, much to my surprise, when they were born, the nurse comes to me to say that they are fighting for their lives....i said to myself.....why didn't u love them before now.....now u don't even get that chance. what if they die. at that moment i lost it. i was so sorry that i didn't want them. at that moment, i wanted them more than anything in the world. i was sooooo sorry. i just wanted one chance to love them. to see them, to touch them.

physically, they had done plenty of damage to my body. my doctor was more than happy to do a tubal. he didn't want me to have any more. he said that the damage to my internal organs was quite significant. it was quite the ordeal. i had to stay for 6days. i was very blessed to walk away from that whole situation given the damage that the anesthesiologist had administered. we are talkin malpractice case. but, i left it all alone. although, i would still like to see justice served.

to this day, we haven't had the time to take lots of snapshots, etc....it has been all about survival. but, i do know this. i havne't missed a beat. everything that they have done has been with me. i have loved every moment of it. we are very blessed to have them. i can't say enough that God knew better than did I.